As we get closer to the day that we will be leaving the Bay Area for a while, we are trying to get out and do the things that we have always ignored because we lived so close-by. You know, the touristy things : Fisherman's Wharf, Pier 39, Chinatown, etc.

One of these things was the San Francisco Zoo.

As you probably know, I love monkeys. I was very excited to have a chance to see a lot of live monkeys up close. Not that the other animals weren't cool, but c'mon now - these are monkeys we're talking about here.

After seeing the elephants, the jungle cats feeding, some giraffes and other stuff, we make our way to the Primate Village. I believe Wife used an entire roll of film just in this area. Lemurs, chimps, orangutans, spider monkeys, they were everywhere! But the story of the day takes place down a dead end path at the far end of the zoo - a place called Gorilla Forest.

As you enter Gorilla Forest, there are signs everywhere of a pair of lips with a finger held up to them (The universal sign for 'Be Quiet, Please!'). There was a newborn gorilla and loud noises freak him out. In fact, there were other signs explaining that motioning or making sounds to get the gorillas' attention was unkind as that will give them, and I quote, 'unwelcome stress'. I could just picture all them huddled around saying things like "Did you hear that one kid? Man, he was noisy, I am SO stressed out. I think I need a vacation to unwind."

Anyway, up until this point our trip had been very noisy, a lot of kids screaming. Especially at the jungle cat feeding, some of those parents were just as bad. Going from that to total quiet had a weird effect. I was looking at the gorillas and wondering what their life was like. Do they think that we are monkeys too? Are they happy in this enclosed area? Before I know it, I am staring right into the eyes of a gorilla who is sitting on some grass about 50 feet away. I think to myself - Wow, I wonder if he thinks I am trying to assert dominance by staring right at him like this. I wonder if he even cares about things outside his enclosed area since he knows from years of experience that he can't do anything about it anyway.

At this point a zoo tour group wanders up to the same ledge where we are and looks at the gorilla too (this may seem unimportant, but it plays a part later). Right about this time, the gorilla stands up, walks, and then runs to stop right under the ledge where we are standing about 15 feet above him. He stops, tilts his head and stares straight into my eyes.

I am having a real 'Gorillas In The Mist' moment here. I know he is obviously paying attention to me now. Some of the thoughts going through my head are - Is he asking me for help? Is he just as curious about me? Is he mad? Is he sad? What must it be like to be in a situation where your natural role is determined by physical dominance but you are constantly stared at by physically inferior creatures?

This is where the gorilla blinks once, looks to the ground, picks up a giant handful of poo, and looks right back at me again.

Three things happen almost at the same time here. #1 I freeze and my eyes bulge out. #2 Wife is frantically trying to get the camera aimed at the gorilla. #3 The lady leading the zoo tour pulls at both of us and yells "Get back! Get back! He's gonna throw poo!"

I step away from the ledge for a second, motion to the lady to let her know I heard her and move back just in time to see the gorilla drop the poo and run back to where he was sitting before.

But the story doesn't end there. Once he is back to his spot on the grass about 50 feet away, he looks right at me again, opens his mouth wide and waggles his tongue back and forth.

This is where my trip into deep thought gets totally shattered. To the gorilla this is another day, and I am just another hairless monkey that's staring him down and needs to be taught a lesson. And despite his being in captivity, he knows exactly how to assert his authority - gorilla poo. "What are YOU looking at, you red-headed wimp? Ok, you asked for it...where'd I put that poo..."

As soon as I figure out how to scan the pictures, I'll post them and link them somehow. In the meantime, I assure you that every word of this is true.

My life will never be the same.